Hometell me jokes
5 posters
tell me jokes
ambigram monkey Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:14 pm
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
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Re: tell me jokes
ambigram monkey Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:26 pm
There was just a dog fight
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
ambigram monkey- Gigametre
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Re: tell me jokes
ambigram monkey Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:15 pm
A collection of insults!
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
ambigram monkey- Gigametre
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AJ KAT~- Gigametre
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Re: tell me jokes
pan fried egg Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:40 pm
quite good and funny, i like knock knock jokes
pan fried egg- Gigametre
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~Moment of glory~- Gigametre
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Re: tell me jokes
jjeerryyjjeerryy Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:19 am
jjeerryyjjeerryy- Millimetre
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AJ KAT~- Gigametre
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pan fried egg- Gigametre
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Re: tell me jokes
ambigram monkey Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:23 pm
Several scientists were asked to prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime. Just to be sure, try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an approximation to a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Programmer (reading the output on the screen): 3 is a prime, 3 is a prime, 3 a is prime, 3 is a prime....
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...
Chemist (or Dan Quayle): What's a prime?
Politician: "Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create a kinder, gentler society where all numbers are prime... "
Programmer: "Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth on finding prime numbers... just a little bit longer, I've found the last bug... no, that's not it... ya know, I think there may be a compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not? - was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all night working on this program, ya know... now if management would just get me that new workstation that just came out, I'd be done by now... etc., etc. ..."
(Two is the oddest prime of all, because it's the only one that's even!)
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime. Just to be sure, try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an approximation to a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Programmer (reading the output on the screen): 3 is a prime, 3 is a prime, 3 a is prime, 3 is a prime....
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...
Chemist (or Dan Quayle): What's a prime?
Politician: "Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create a kinder, gentler society where all numbers are prime... "
Programmer: "Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth on finding prime numbers... just a little bit longer, I've found the last bug... no, that's not it... ya know, I think there may be a compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not? - was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all night working on this program, ya know... now if management would just get me that new workstation that just came out, I'd be done by now... etc., etc. ..."
(Two is the oddest prime of all, because it's the only one that's even!)
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Re: tell me jokes
ambigram monkey Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:30 pm
A mathematician belives nothing until it is proven
A physicist believes everything until it is proven wrong
A chemist doesn't care
biologist doesn't understand the question
A physicist believes everything until it is proven wrong
A chemist doesn't care
biologist doesn't understand the question
ambigram monkey- Gigametre
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Re: tell me jokes
ambigram monkey Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:31 pm
One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."
ambigram monkey- Gigametre
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Re: tell me jokes
ambigram monkey Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:33 pm
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume. The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.
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